Acting My Age

I spend a lot of time with my students. Often I genuinely enjoy their company; their energy, their naivete, their... energy. In return I feel compelled to be an example of some sort of moral high road for them - a task which I too often fail at.

But recently I was accused of going through a "midlife crisis" because of the time I spent with them. Ahem. This needs to be addressed.

There is a clear difference between experiencing a "midlife crisis" and "never growing up," the phrase I prefer.

A midlife crisis might involve buying a red Corvette, coloring my hair, dressing with my pants down to my knees, my SpongeBob chonies in full view, leaving my wife for some younger woman. I don't. I won't.

I do not see myself as having gone into my 40's and then reverting back to my 20's because I didn't like what I saw in my 40's. I see myself as never having reached my forties in the first place, or at least what some people think is "reaching my forties." That's a big difference.

I just refuse to grow up, plain and simple. I refuse because no one has ever defined for me what "acting my age" is, or how I can do it. I don't like acting like anything, and since no one has defined it I have no idea what it means to do so. I just try and be myself.

If I like some sort of music like Switchfoot or Creed or P.O.D., I listen without thinking that people in their 40's "aren't supposed" to like them. If I want to get a tattoo, I don't think to myself "I can't do that, I'm 47!" I consider the consequences and I do it or not. If I enjoy the company of teenagers in my classes or club, I'll spend time with them without thinking that I'm almost a half century old and should be spending time with people my age instead.

When someone can define for me what "acting one's age" is, I'll consider doing it.

For now, though, if someone says I am not acting my age, it will fall on deaf ears. If instead I'm told that I am not being myself, I'll listen. That's a red flag. Am I changing for the worse? Call me on it! Am I falling away from the faith? I need help. Am I literally acting? I should stop.

But pleeeease don't accuse me of going through a midlife crisis because I enjoy the company of kids. They often drive me nuts but they keep me from falling into the rut of growing old and cranky just because that's what I'm "supposed to be doing" at my age.